This past week I have been very content and very tired. Just sleepy tired, hard to get up in the morning tired, sluggish tired. I have not worked-out in a week, so it is probably that. Or I have not been drinking enough water or eating enough greens. It is probably because my mind needs rest or meditation or a gratitude exercise...it's most likely one or all of these things.
Or it could be that I've got an itch.
As an artist who squeaks my art into the small little cracks and crevices of 9-11 pm, I find online web work easier these days. Normally I HATE editing and working on my website, but the last two nights I have been content to plug along. Updating my site with Set #4 & Set #5 I finished set #4 almost a year ago, but because of my choices to spend my time elsewhere I had neglected to get the set up on the website.
All of this sounds so boring to me as I type, but I can't explain the deep satisfaction I take in my micro steps. They are so small. So small you can't even see them with your day to day eye. You would need to look way back, mark my words my friend, this is my slow and steady overnight success. I have a few dedicated fans. And I love you. If you are reading this, you are a dedicated fan. I am still very small in my reach. I have about 500 people in my email list and a very steady 240 fans on my Kate Lemay Art Facebook page. I am so grateful for all of the humans I have the pleasure of connecting with.
What I am doing all this for is a test. YES THIS IS A TEST. Because I read all these books and listen to podcasts and I DREAM BIG. Yet I am not self employed. I am not an entrepreneur. I work for the amazing YMCA and I get the privilege of managing a property and community so rich and beautiful that I could not imagine a more impactful way to serve our world.
AND I HAVE AN ITCH.
I have an itch to create. To touch the unseen and bring back nuggets for you to enjoy. I allow the voice to be heard, the senses to be felt, the feeling to be one with me. It is such a gift to touch the oneness. And you know exactly what I am talking about. It's that feeling you get under a blanket of stars, in the valley of a enormous mountain, floating in the ocean, laying in the sun, in a yoga class or in meditation. It is the knowing that you are SOOOOOOOO SMALL. That you are just a speck of dust. AND You get to LIVE! You won the DNA Lottery and YOU ARE HERE. You are here to smell and taste and touch and feel and love. You are here to BE. To enjoy, to hear, to grow, to create, to evolve. TO EVOLVE. And I might add just because I deeply believe this is our step in evolution...we are here to consciously evolve. If I told you that in your DNA coupled with the environment that made you, that you are a snowflake. You are 100% original. That your 100% unique gift in you for the greater good is ONLY inside of you. Your only job is to figure out- SCRATCH THAT- Your only job is to ALLOW that gift out.
Let me remind you what I said before. THIS IS A TEST. And you just get one chance. The paper is called LIFE. Don't be precious about it, yet treat it like it is the most important piece of paper in the world. It is all about the deep tension that exists from these opposites living together. TENSION creates enormous strength. So treat your life as if you are a precious snowflake AND a nothing speck of dust. That your "job" is to SEEK and to ALLOW, to BE and to CREATE.
You see...I am not consistent as a blogger or website designer or a vlogger or a podcaster...but I am a consistent creator and if you look at my long long long game...it is how I am happy and content and confident that what is happening is my conscious evolution. I am documenting the process in painting, blogging, videos, through retreats and in working with THOUSANDS of amazing people each year. Set #5 still need editing. I have a ritual where I sit with an amazing couple and we hash out every word. Every piece of punctuation. After that the set will be really finished and I will announce the beginning of Set #6.
The set of play and fun and passion...yeah, I'm excited about it! Let the Itch be satisfied! Because getting back to painting again will feel like a good old fashioned Scratchfest! Only time will tell...but if you watch you can catch all the excitement and complete lack of progress. TENSION = STRENGTH